I don’t know

The dreaded line my husband hears all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. I am quite possibly THEE most indecisive person. Ever. It’s a sickness, really. I can’t make a decision to save my life. I second guess myself constantly. Even on the smallest, most insignificant things. Seriously. Chinese takeout? Rice or noodles? Um, rice. Fried or white? White. No. Fried. On second thought, how about noodles? Or maybe we should do something else…

This is probably why I’m such a planner. I have to plan so far in advance because I’m bound to change my mind along the way. Most people plan ahead to give them time to prepare. Nope. I think it might actually be a mental exercise, crucial in identifying my final answer. Remember that game show, Who Wants to be a Millionaire? I can just imagine the agony of having Regis Philbin ask me, is that your final answer??? I’m sweating just thinking about how terrible that would be. Torture, really.

There are very few things that I’m ever 100% sure about. Maybe it comes from insecurities growing up. The alarming unpreparedness I faced when I became a {single} mother. My internal struggle with anxiety over the years.  Or maybe it’s just one of those God-given characteristics that makes me, me. Whatever the reason, it can be obnoxious. Just ask my husband. Or my son. Bless his little heart. He’s been my walking compass for ten years now. When I’m shopping for clothes, it’s like I have a personal fashion consultant right there with me. Okay Aidan, which color? How about these shoes? Maybe this dress? But Mom, you don’t wear dresses that often. You’re right. Let’s just put that back then. Thank goodness you’re with. And when he’s not with? It’s a pretty sure bet that I end up returning at least one item after I’ve already brought it home. I depend heavily on his input. And I appreciate his honest opinion. At a mere ten years of age, he’s got a pretty good head on his shoulders. So, I guess I better warn him now of my plans to come knocking on his dorm room door when he’s all moved out. Okay sweetie, which shirt looks best? Do you like these shoes?   

I spend far too much time overthinking and trying to make a decision. I’m pretty sure turtles can make laps around me before I’m ready to give up an answer. As part of my whole “mid-30’s crisis” I decided I wanted to be more confident in my choices and to spend less time overthinking things. Hey! Look at that. Me making a decision. But apparently I won’t be embarking on that new campaign anytime soon…

I recently hosted a jewelry party with some girlfriends. Gorgeous stuff. And sparkly. Oh, so sparkly. I’m pretty sure it’s way fancier than my one-year old daughter can appreciate right now. So don’t be surprised if you read a blog later on that talks about how I’m sitting on the floor playing with blocks, in my sparkly statement necklace….and yoga pants. Because it just might happen. Anyway, the hard part has been deciding what pieces I want to add to my collection. The catalog has been in my possession for a while {as in almost two months before my party}. I even flagged pages with my favorites. Although that didn’t do me much good considering I just spent the majority of my day going back and forth and adding items that weren’t even on that original list. Or the revised list. Or the revised-revised list. Yep. The struggle is a real one around here. Thank goodness I’m not actually responsible for life-altering verdicts. Just the ones that involve the lives of my children. And my husband. No big deal.

So that whole decision to start making decisions??? On second thought…