My husband is not my best friend

You see it all the time. You hear it all the time. I married my best friend. And I have absolutely nothing against that. But my husband is not my best friend. Is he the one in which my soul takes rest? Most certainly. But it still doesn’t make him my best friend. My best friend is the person who can grow separately without growing apart. And that kind of thing doesn’t work in a marriage.

My best friend is a girl I’ve known for twenty-three years. We have seen one another through terrible fashion trends, outrageous hairstyles, ruthless gossip, skinny days, fat days, high school drama, college drama, roommate drama, boy drama. Drama DRAMA. {Because let’s face it, we’re girls}. We’ve suffered second-degree burns together, stupid decisions, nights we won’t forget and nights we’d like to forget. Road trips, spring break trips, around town trips. We’ve grieved death and celebrated life. We’ve cried. We’ve yelled. We’ve been angry. We’ve been hurt. But we’ve laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. Because sometimes life gives you someone who’s meant to see you through thick and thin. They’re meant to walk beside you even when you can’t walk anymore. They’re someone who can see the pain in your eyes even when everyone else believes the smile. And they’re the one who refuses to judge you for the imperfections you hold because they know your heart contains so much more. This is my best friend. This is the person that God planted in my life so that I could have someone who remembers how far I’ve come and knows how far I can go. She’s the one I can look back on life with and we can revisit all the moments that brought us to where we are now. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I’m not discounting the relationship I have with my husband. At all. He holds a different kind of halo over my life. And I think that’s perfectly okay. I don’t think married couples are supposed to be each other’s EVERYTHING. Because that’s a whole lot of expectation and a whole lot of disappointment all wrapped up into one. I love my husband and he serves an elite purpose in my life. But there are things he doesn’t do. And can’t do. He doesn’t notice when I get my haircut. {I’d have to shave it all off. And even then it would probably be, oh that’s nice}. He doesn’t tell me if an outfit looks cute. He wasn’t the one who convinced me to buy a gorgeous pair of heels that I knew I probably wouldn’t ever wear more than once. He doesn’t complement my accessories. He isn’t the one I can drive for hours with and belt out iconic tunes from the 90’s. {Sports talk radio. Hello snooooze}. He wasn’t the one who held my hair when a night of drinking went too far. He wasn’t the one I went to when I realized I might be falling in love. He wasn’t the one who met me at Embers after I found out I was pregnant. {Are those even still around?!} He isn’t the one I go to when I need to vent that he left his dirty dishes out for me to pick up. Again. He isn’t the person I can kill hours with by sitting around a table to just talk. {Are you kidding?! His ADHD would hyperventilate}. He isn’t the one that can laugh with me in the way that only a best friend truly can. And he can’t reminisce about the moments that make me giggle when all I need is just a healthy dose of memory lane. My husband doesn’t carry the torch of my previous life. And even though he’s my future, we all possess a past that has shaped us and reserves the right to be remembered. Because memories inspire us. They can be harmful but they can also be beautiful. And the beautiful ones should be cherished. My best friend holds beautiful memories. So I take those {and her} with me.

Marriage is hard work. It takes DAILY commitment and communication. But a best friendship should never be hard work. And it doesn’t require daily communication. In fact, the perfect kind is when you can go long periods in between without talking but pick up without missing a beat. A best friend helps meet some of the needs that your husband cannot. And shouldn’t. Because a good healthy marriage allows you both to have an identity on its own and a sense of purpose that doesn’t have to rely on one another. Life needs a best friend and it’s absolutely okay if it’s not your husband.

My husband isn't my best friend (3)


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