Rocked and Rolled

I’ve lost my touch. What I really mean is, I’ve lost the capacity to keep IN touch. Friends, I’m an individual who wants to do it all. Except for the days when I want to do nothing. Conflicting but common. For all of you who desire a life of balance. Stop. Drop. And roll. Roll away from that contradiction. Balance means equivalent. 50/50. Proportionate. Level. Side by side. Shoulder to shoulder. You get it. But none of these are an accurate way to describe life as we know it.

Rocked and Rolled

Raise your hand if your existing plate has EQUAL portions lined up. Right now, this very instant. And that includes your role as a parent. A professional. An employee. A spouse. A friend. A son or daughter. A brother or sister. A neighbor. Whatever roles you identify with; if you can honestly say you’ve got each of those under your belt with an evenly matched state of mind then HOLLER! No, really. Holler this way and teach me your ways. {Lying peacefully on a deserted island by yourself does not constitute teachable ways}. Yeah, that’s what I thought. You don’t. No one does. And we should really stop pretending that we do.

Rocked and Rolled (2)I’m getting better at admitting that my plate is all out of whack. Because just when I think I’ve got things under control and “balanced” a pea-sized problem gets dished up or an enormous sized obligation slips and causes everything else to shift. So now I’m learning to let go of the expectations, the unnecessary apologies and for the love of God, the guilt.

I always set out with high aspirations. Goals. Items on my agenda that must should I want to get done. But if they don’t get checked off or I don’t succeed in seeing them through, then I’m realizing that’s okay. No one is going to punish me, except for me. [Strictly speaking on a personal level – don’t try pulling this garbage with your boss at work].

I have a gazillion drafted pieces sitting in my documents right now. Words that have made an entrance but not much of an appearance. Things I’ve felt passionate about sharing, thoughts that needed a voice or even just an empty space to spout. But with each one, I’ve found myself getting sidetracked or pulled in another direction. And then my whole semblance of symmetry gets rocked and rolled. And they become more of a distant memory rather than a daily muse. Much of the last month my writing time has been spent on a professional platform. But it served a good purpose because I landed another long-term contract that’s opening new doors for me. It’s been tiresome and even a little tedious. But I consider it just another wave of life. And another side dish to serve.

So, instead of my previous practice of apologizing for my absence and trying to find a decent excuse for my detachment, I’ll simply say hello again. It’s nice to see you.


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